A Boys life......

 Its been another busy few days. Friday I finished up my garage sale
 and work just in time to make it over for Daltons last track meet of the season. Dalton was less then impressed with his 400 meter hurddles. But I was proud. He never gave up. After a fall he picked him self up and got it done. Kind of like life. When it gets hard, knocks us down. We can quit, give up, complain, or we can keep moving forward. Keeping our eyes on the goal and keep moving towards it. This year things seem to be coming together much better for us but I can tell  you last year (2012) just seemed to knock us down daily. I got to a point I didnt want to read the mail or answer the phone- I knew that

 either one would just have something else bad trying to break me. I recall breaking down one day to my dad and saying something to the fact of "dad, I can't do it anymore, its like everyday something is thrown at me trying to make me crack." I really don't remember his responce but knowing my dear dad it was something along the lines of well do you have any other choice. He always has a way of taking the mountains back to mole hills. Through every trial I just felt Gods love though. I felt like I was being carried. They where hard but really they taught me so much. Thank God for trials. I would not have said that and really meant it before. But I really can see and feel our growth through these trials. Ok so back to the track meet. I hear Carter laughing. I look over to him playing will a roly poly. "mom, did you know that roly polys do situps if you lay them on their backs".  yup they do infact did you know that? lol. Carter has always loved roly polys. There is a movie (bugs life?) where the roly poly says your fired. when carter was about 2 we asked him in front of some family. "What do roly polys say?" Carter reached into his pockets and pulled out a hand full of them. :)

Saturday Atley and Bronson had a snack stand during an open house at my dads office. Look how cute my folks helped make his stand. Be prepared to see this on 70th st often this summer.

 

Saturday night Dalton headed off to prom again!!This time to the East prom. His date this time is a great friend, Megan. I had so much fun doing the pictures. Megan is such a buddy to Dalton. I reminded her to make sure he treats her like a lady tonight not just a bud, opening doors and what not. To which Megan said "well Im more of the strong independent type" I informed her even so she needs to be treated like a lady for porm night and to make sure he opens doors. To witch she pointed to the car door and said ok go open it for me.

 I turned my head for a bit and come back to them talking star wars. yup someone who can keep up with Daltons star wars talk. haha. I can also always count on Megan to put Dalton in his place if I need a back up. Dalton has said of Megan more then once... can you see why we get along so well. Daltons blessed with you in his life megan, I look forward to watching God work in your friendships. Dalton and Megan have decided to do the post prom also. This will be one late night for this mom. Doubt I can sleep tell they are home.

 And some things that have spoke deeply to me lately.
-Love people the most when they least deserve it
-God has trusted me with this pain, what am I going to do with it?
-Angry people often come from angry homes
-proverbs 23:7 For as he things within himself, so he is. (been really working on this one. Stoping thoguhts and just not letting me go there on things that will just bring up past hurts and anger)
-and this one when someone has offended you-their sin is where mine is, its at the cross.

All in a days work

Today was a very full and busy day. It started off with work. I put in 5 hours this am. At noon I got off and took over my garage sale that my mom and a friend had worked in the am for me. So did the garage sale among running to get kids from school. I ended the garage sale at about 5:30 and then started laundry, wrapped a present for Carter to take to his friends party tonight, then dropped carter off at said party. Then came home, got Emery to work firing up the grill. (oh how I love having a grilling/cooking child:) He also peeled potatos and got those cooking. Dalton headed to help me fire up the mower. He did the first mowing at our new house. Then he attempted to help me start the weedwacker. This might shock you but this is the first time I have

ever ran a weedwacker. It was acutually pretty fun. I then pulled some weeds in the area I may add some flowers at some point. Sat down to dinner, ran and got carter from the party and then decided to reorganize my office. Now my office is also my bedroom. My room is small but cute, but then there is this half. yes it leaves a little bit to be desired. so I found this new hutch for $20.00 on lincconsign. I think it will do great. It matches my black dresser and my black bed. (sorry no pictures of that yet since it still has my hand me down comforter from my 10 year old son, yes complete with planets and stars.)

So after getting that done, well of course had to blog about how busy I was and how tired I am. lol so maybe next I should go to bed? On tomorrows plans? do my garage sale, then work, then take Dalton shopping to get a different colored bow tie for his next prom date. I keep waiting for the day that I will have time to just sit back and relax in my new house. Im thinking its sure to happen right? But I must admit it feels good to be so busy. To be doing what needs to be done. Not to mention the yard looks great now also.

God has been so good to us this year. Just look at how He has blessed the boys and I. May I keep my sight on thanking Him for EVERYTHING!

Forgiveness!!!!!!!!

Forgiveness: I do believe this may be my newest, maybe even hardest battle, I have faced through this entire seperation and divorce. Just when I think I have forgiven and am doing well at keeping bitterness at bay. A new fact is made known to me that throws me for a loop. Even so mush as to say it sets me back. The first post have been all fun events but this blog is set up to encourage others that may be facing the same things as we are or may know someone that will or is facing somethng similar. I want people to see the joys that come as you lean on Christ for getting through divorce but also see the raw pain that comes along with it. The hurt and struggles and many, many emtions you face as you began to move forward.

Ok so back to forgiveness. I must admit the boys and I where just now exposed (from a distance) to John and her. yes her as in the other woman. We where under the impression that she was gone and that he was very sorry for that decision but we very quickly became aware that this is not the case. I dont say the truth about what caused our seperation (well obviously it is never just one thing) but is a major factor, to make john look bad or the other woman (which I would love to make look bad but more on that in a minute), but in order to show the struggle Im facing in my heart and actions. To let other woman facing the same thing know that they are not alone. So yes there is another woman. When I first found out about it, it was sugar coated with lies, I really knew in my heart they where lies but decided to give them both the benefit of the doubt and trust them. The night I found out the truth felt like I had been stabbed with a knife. I seriously felt the pain in my body. I was trying to work, John was trying to apologize. At that moment I couldnt handle hearing he was sorry or anything else and began to focus on work. Little things began to become clear, I began to fit pieces of the puzzle together. At that point he led the kids and I to believe it was a thing of the past. I had decided that I was willing to forgive John for many things from our past. I wasnt sure what Johns reasoning was in telling us all he was sorry. I wasnt sure how deep into his heart that sorry was. I began to realize it was not a true repented heart but a more Im lonely type sorry.

So that brings us up to this previous weekend where we see the two of them together. He tried to hide his face from us. This broguht up such a surge of anger. Not for me and what he did to OUR marriage but for my kids, that just witnessed there father trying to hide his face from his kids. Ok here is the part that I could go on and on about the effects on my kids. I could call him and her every name in the book. But this is also the part where I will be hontest about the anger in my heart, the bitterness starting to take root. The kids and I have not seen this woman up close and could not point her out in a crowd yet I could tell you things about her that could make anyone start hating her. I would love to. I dont want her to be a well liked person.

which leads us up to yesterday. I have been praying and reading my bible and begging God to help me forgive them. At this time I was listening to casting crowns. I believe the song is called Come To The Well. In it the words say "leave it all behind and come to the well". I set there just pondering what I was feeling and the thoughts that im soooo not proud of thinking the last few days. When some words that a dear friend had mentioned to me came to mind. Jesus died for her just as much as He did for me. I began to really dwell on this. what does it mean. Christ died on the cross for me, for my sins. What are they? oh to many to ever list, but they go on and on. Is her sin any worse in Gods eyes then mine? are johns? nope not at all. Christ died for her sins and for mine. Its only by Gods grace I have not made the same decision in my life. No one is above it. Therefore I have decided to set the anger aside. To forgive John and her. To even go so far as to pray for their salvation. I wont run my mouth saying bad things about her and john. I wont wish them ill. I wont hate her. Its easy to look on the outside that you have forgiven someone. That it does not bother you. I mean really I never see her, I dont talk to her so it would be easy to pretend its all good. But I want the forgiveness to be deeper-in my soul. Because she deserves it? No - no one would argue that either one of them doesnt deserve my forgiveness but then again do I  deserve Gods forgiveness?

I know that this stuggle will continue, I know I will have set backs. The thoughts still pop into my head. Really so quickly. But I will not let my mind dwell on them. I will not think evil. Proverbs 6:16-19 God hates a heart that thinks up wicked imaginations.

There will be so many thimes in life that my boys will need to forgive others. I want to be an example of how we can offer forgiveness to others.
So in the words of casting crowns Im going to leave it all behind.
I do ask for prayer for the boys and I as like I said this will be a constant battle. But I believe making the decision to forgive is half the battle already.

Also I realize that this was not an action against my children and I. It was a sin towrds God. Not something that was done to me, to my boys but to my God. who am I to be angry and want revenge. Its all in Gods hands.
leaving it all behind.

Dancing shoes, bow ties, flowers, and fun (other wise known as prom)

 Daltons jr prom 2013
Although Dalton did not attend his prom at Northeast this year, he did attend the lincoln high prom with Jodi. We (ok Dalton and everyone else he talked to) decided that his suit would be just fine, no need to rent a tux. So we headed to the store to spiff it up a bit. We added a vest, of course a bow tie, new shoes and tada a absoultly handsome man. I literally lost my breath when he came walking up to show me. When did my little boy become so grown up? I guess I must have blinked. I invited the soon to be ex husband and his mother over to take some pictures and see Dalton before he left. It was kind of a big step for me having them at my house but I felt they really should see this hunk of a man i have here.

 Then Emery, Bronson, and I followed Dalton to pick up his date. This was all planned out so we could do pictures and come on who doesnt want their mom to tag along to pick up thier date? He was a great sport about it.


 His date: miss jodi wheat. Whom we have known since she was

just a few days old. We have pictures of the two of them together at 7 months old. They have grown up at church together. Spending almost every Sunday in class together. I love the friendship they have. If the Lord would ever see for it to be more.... well this mom would be ok with it. wink wink. She came down the stiars and again caught my breath, she looked amazing. So beautiful and the best thing, I know Jodi is beautiful inside and out.

Jodi's parents knew of a place close to their house for picutre taking. It was so much fun. Dalton and Jodi both acted like the other would bite if they got to close upon which Dalton pointed out its not Jodi that he is afraid of biting but her father, Kevin who was near by. There was many jokes about his gun collection. I love that Dalton has a deep respect (um some might call it fear lol) of his dates father. He realizes that she is a precious thing to him and that he needs to honor her father and his wishes.

It was a little strange for me, being the one to remind Dalton to open doors and treat her like a lady. I want to have his father there to teach him and even more importan show him. But I am reminded that Dalton and all his brothers and well all of us have a heavenly Father that will NEVER leave us or forsake us. He will teach us all we need to know about treating well..... everyone.

Out of your comfort zone

 Emery and Bronson had the Junior high lip sing for chuch Friday night. Im so proud how they did. Those of you that know Emery know that he is not one that likes all eyes on him. Yet his leader (Zane) decied to really push Emery out of his comfort zone. Emery said "during it I was like ahhh but afterwards I thought hey that was kind of fun". He did awesome. Bronson also was a bit nervous. He was excieted about his part of falling out of bed. He designed his own "pajamas" to wear.


The Lord has taken all 6 of us out of our comfort zones over the last year. I admit I fight for my comfort zones the most. I hate to go out of my safety areas. I want to keep things comfortable, easy, predictiable even. I always feel accomplished when I do venture out and do something I would not have thought I could. It makes me thank God that He got me through it. (why was there even doubt?)I pray that my kids dont hide in comfort zones. That they push themselves even when its not comfotable. I thank God for pushing
 my comfort zones this year. Yet He has let me keep some things routine to not make us take on to many changes at once.

We are getting settled in our new home. I have to admit I was a little afraid of this new step. I have never had my own place. I either lived at home or with John. But this place is feeling like home very quickly. I thought it would be to small since it was a downsize from our other home. Im finding it has all the space we need. It was an amazing story, the way God worked this place out for us. It was a little hard to leave our family home. I was afraid the boys would struggle with the change. But my heart was so happy when the second night here, Carter prayed at dinner,"Thank you Lord for providing us this nice house". Its clean, cute and adaquate. I was so anxious about finding us a place but kept reminding myself to wait on the Lord. He proved that was the best route to take.

The day i signed up for housing they told me it would be a 2-3 year wait. I knew with our home in foreclosure we had some time but not that long for sure. I kept looking through craigslist and the newspaper. I just kept feeling like I needed to wait on Gods time not my own. Well i got the call, we where at the top of the list. The downside was this home was in airpark, which is a good 30-45 min from everything we do. I prayed about it. I struggled. I knew I needed to look to God but really how do I know what His answer is. The home was 4 bedrooms and very cute. no garage, it actually was a duplex, but who wouldnt love to live next to me and my 5 loud boys? :) Well since I would go to the bottom of the list if i passed on the house it was not an easy choice. I felt time was ticking on our time at the house. But i decided we needed to be closer to family, to church, and to keep the kids in the same schools, also by my friends that help with child care. I asked if I could just get on the 3 bedroom list. I knew this would be a tight fit but felt I would rather be close and tight then farther out. The next week I got a call on a 3 bedroom home in belmont. I went to see the house. I still felt so unsettled about that decsion. But if I went to the bottom of the 3 bedroom list what other options would I have? I prayed that am before going to see the home and asked God to please make it clear if we should take that house. (ok I may have begged a little) i was a little disappointed as we walked out to the yard after seeing the house. it was very small and not what i invisioned for this fresh start for my kids and I. I also had no flash from God on this place. i asked for a little time to think on it. Thats when "my new best friend" said you know what I have a place, it wont be ready as soon, but its in your area. She told me the address and I said I will take it. I had no detials other then it was in the area that would be closer to the boys schools. She said it could still be a month before it was ready.

We got the notice on our home that it would be sold on the 26th. I was beginning to get nervous about how the time would all play out. I really didnt want to move things twice. One day while sitting at work (which is actually at home) I get a call from housing saying my house will be ready in 6 days. I kid you not, less then 5 minutes later, I get a knock at the door. It was the company that had bought our house and wanted to know when we would be out. Thankfully from my prior call i had the answer. God was so great to let these events happen in this order. The other way around may have caused some panic to rise up. I also got my shifts for the week and was given 3 days off. How perfect was that?