Broken for a reason

A year ago today, I fell and broke my leg. You might be thingking, why write about this when it happened a year ago? Well, I feel like it was a big changing point in my life. So on May 18, 2012, John called and asked if I would like to take the boys to Kansas City with him for the weekend. Deciding to think about it for a while, I told him I would call him back. Sad to say, but I don't really remember praying about the decision. At first I decided no way. We had been seperated for a month. We had rarely talked or had any interactions with each other. Then I began to think: what if I am unable to take the boys to one of their favorite spots for a long time? What if I wont ever be able to afford this again? At this point I did not know of Johns affair and I really was wanting to repair our marriage. I wanted our family together. So i also thought maybe this weekend could be a start in putting the pieces back together. Deciding to go, I packed us a picnic dinner and  packed the kids clothes. We decided to make it a secret and not tell the boys. John decided to leave his phone at home and use this time to focus on our family. (Should have sent warning flags since he is attached to that phone).

 We set off, many of my friends and family had a bad feeling about this but had decided to keep their opinions to a minimum. We found a nice place in Nebraska City for a picnic. After eating, I decided to take the kids over to this Lewis and Clark area. ( I can not really tell you what it was since I never made it over there). We took off walking and I fell down into a ditch. I looked down at my foot that was no longer facing forward and I knew this was not good. I screamed for John, who came running over. He quickly asked for my phone. It was in my pocket and I was unable to move. Bronson thinking quickly, pulled out his phone and dialed 911. Man it seemed to take forever. At one point I began to think I might pass out and it made me nervous, then I thought well if I would pass out this would not hurt so bad. I never passed out and the ambulance and a bunch of volenteer fire fighters showed up. They where giving me shots before even attempting to move me. They took me to the hospital where they gave me something that totally put me out. While out they put my leg back in socket and stabalized it. They decided I would need to go to Lincoln for surgery. The ambulance would take me. All I really remember is waking up and asking for more of the medicine they gave me. John states that they did and that I stopped breathing and turned blue. They gave me oxygen and refused me that med next time I asked for it. (Those of you that know me know I hate meds and rarely ask for any)

 We made it to Lincoln sometime in the middle of the night. I was scheduled for surgery first thing the next morning. I was pretty nervous because this was a first for me. Knowing I was going to be down for 12 weeks and that it was 1 week from the kids summer break, made me pretty bummed. God showed me some amazing things that summer. He showed me just how much people cared for my family. Providing meals, movies, snacks , cards, prayers, visits, and phone calls. I was amazed. John and I where spending time together through this. He would give me rides to the kids events and help out with the kids more.

 My grandpa loaned me a moterized wheel chair, it worked great for taking the kids on the bike trail, we went to movies, libraries, stores,swimming pools, friends houses,  even out to eat. God was so great in providing this, it was a joy to still spend time out and about with the boys.

 I kept wondering why did this happen. Some had stated- to keep me away from John. I was leaning more to let me see he still cared- since he never left the hospital the entire time I was there. God knew that I was not really ready for the truth. I didn't know that during this time, John was still with the other woman. Here I thought we where working on putting our family back together, but was being decieved the entire time. I really feel God knew, that at the time, I was not ready to know the truth. He allowed the pain of this broken leg, knowing it would hurt worse then the pain that could have happened , had we made it to Kansas City and began repairing a marriage built on a lie.

 The boys and I stayed at my parents house this summer, until I was able to care for the boys and myself at home.

This is my foot today, These scars will always be a reminder to me that God has the boys and I right where He wants us. That my plans are not always His plans but, that He knows better. That God protects me and will use whatever means He knows is best. I will be thankful for that time in my life and for God only allowing me to see what He knew I could handle, because, as I look back i think...... WHAT WAS I THINKING? :)