Newest family member

The boys and I still have moments that we are so sad we had to get rid of our dog when we moved. I have been trying to decide what kind of animal we could do here. I am allergic to cats so no cats, I don't know about hamsters, rats, gerbils, they remind me to much of little mice and well they gross me out. No offense to you that have them I just don't think they where for me, not to mention not sure if my allergies would act up to these animals. I also didn't want any smell. So Dalton, Bronson, and I headed to the pet store. We where just checking out some options. I was leaning towards a turtle.

We met a lady there, we now call her the dragon lady. She was very helpful on different animals. (she was working there) She brought out her own, full grown, bearded dragon. Bronson held it. I asked some questions but was sold when she told me that you can put a leash on them. Can you see me in the summer, sitting on the grass with a book and beside me my leashed bearded dragon. haha sounds totally fun. So we went home and told the other boys about it. The boys quickly jumped on board. All but Emery, he is not an animal lover. They began to save their money thinking of ways they could earn some. We found out that "the dragon lady" had some of her own that she sales and they are half the price of the ones in the store.

So last night we headed to the store to get all the things we would need. I could not believe that I was getting a reptile that would have me feeding crickets in a "bug house". But the boys where so excited and I just wanted them to have this. They have been through so many changes and this was something fun I could do for them.

Bronson and I where home doing school today when the dragon was delivered. We are getting use to just how to hold it. The boys have named it pascal. I have decided to just call it PJ. I still have not purchased that leash, will wait tell it gets bigger but don't worry, this thing will be seen outside with us this summer.

11 years old today

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Carter was my 4th son. He joined my family 11 years ago. I can not believe my little peanut is 11. This boy has grown up so much lately. He has always had the best smile. The most sweetest touch. He is tender to the core. He has an energy that if bottled could make millions. Carter is friendly and loving to anyone. I love to watch him.... not just because I can't keep up with him but because he is always moving. When he is observing something, such as bugs, you can just see that his mind is moving just as fast as his body does.

 Carter is so good to his mom. He is always ready for a hug or kiss. I think back on the days that I have been blessed to have Carter and I will admit this child...... wow this child is about all I can say, what is the right words? handful is to mild to describe how Carter was. I used to say Carter was put on this earth just to teach me patience. As a young boy he just had no measure of what he should and should not do. Thankfully he has mellowed a bit. He is always moving so fast and yet is never in a hurry to get anywhere.  He is a kid that really does stop to smell the flowers, or chase a bug, or throw a snowball, or well just about anything other then what he's suppose to be doing.

Carter is a joy to my heart. I can not wait to see what the Lord has in store for this little man of mine. I hope that his happy, joyful attitude never leaves. I hope this world keeps that mind  busy and that  it's kept away from bad things. I want him to always have time to stop and smell the flowers and enjoy Gods creation. I want a lifetime of those hugs and kisses.

Happy birthday tarter sauce!

Time for the beach

 Florida trip 2014!
So I just had this all written out and then I hit the wrong button and it erased it all. Since I need to go work on laundry and finish unpacking, you will now get the shortened version.
My parents travel to Florida each winter for about a month. We decided to fly down and spend a week with them. We have never flown in a plane (except Dalton, he has)
These envelopes each hold a small activity for the boys to open during the flights. They liked these and it helped to keep them entertained.

Headed out from  Omaha on the first of January, it was cold and snowy here. The flight got delayed a few times. We showed up at the airport 3 hours early since we where so excited so the delays made for a long time waiting. We finally where able to take off and ended up stuck in Chicago, on the plane, for over 3 hours. Remember I have 5 boys, in the dark, hot, crowded plane. They did amazing though and handled it great. We arrived in Orlando after 1:30 am and had a 3 hour drive ahead to the condo. We made it to the room after 4 am and hit the sack. We where awaken very early by an excited grandma who could not wait to take us to the beach.

Carter was born for the beach. He finds treasures like a pro and was always willing to head down to the ocean with anyone who would take him.

This was our first walk down the beach, this area is about 1 1/2 from the condo.

A pool right outside our condo was used very often by these guys.

This was here when we arrived. Its really neat the picture does not do it justice. The numbers are filled in with shells. The water erased it by our second day.

Many moments where spent jumping waves.

A big hole dug in the sand provides much entertainment for boys.

So I asked Dalton to pose expecting a cute picture, Lesson learned.

Those of you that know my boys, know they hate photos. (well all but Carter who is always happy to give a cheesy grin) but they allowed mom a few moments to take some shots on the cold morning of our last day.

Bronson

love love love

Atley, yes he is very cold

Its always my youngest that clowns around

my beach boy

Got this idea to do a family pyramid on the beach. Um fail. the shells where cutting into our knees and Atley just could not get on the top. It was a funny try though.

The plane ride home was much better. We only had 21 flying since they had to cancel the Chicago portion and was now a direct flight from Tampa to Omaha. We each had our own row to spread out and also window views. This was amazing to see from the day.

This was a great trip for us and we will always have these memories.

Finals for us all

This past week was final week. All 6 of us got our classes wrapped up and done with. Dalton had a pretty easy final week with very short days. Emery had a few test but not a lot. Bronson (home schooled) took a test that he had taken back in July and he has improved more then a grade in math. This makes me happy as this is one of the areas he is behind in. Carter and Atley's final week was full of concerts and a meeting. My finals included one test and one paper. I was pretty nervous of my final grade and even had a dream that I received a F on my final paper. I was very happy to find that was not the case. I finished the quarter and even made the Deans list. Not to brag but I am very happy about this and want others to know if I can do this, so can you. Next quarter will be a much fuller schedule as I will be going with 13.5 credits. This quarter I only took 9 and my fist quarter was only 4.5 credits. Nervous that it may be to much but excited to keep going with my education. The picture above is the boys on the evening I needed to finish writing my paper. I told the boys it was gaming night so mom could study. Funny there was no complaints. They have been so great in helping when I need the study time and encourage me with my grades. I love setting an example that you can accomplish things even when you doubted yourself. I have to admit I am very ready for this break for all of us. No school, no homework, no spelling, no awanas, no early morning school drop offs. Just time to be a family. I have some fun things planned starting tonight with a drive to look at Christmas lights. I have cookies and hot chocolate with marshmallows ready for a relaxing drive through the town. Looking forward to some time with my 5 guys.

Almost grown

 This year Dalton is a senior. He is 17 years old and a blessing since day one. I think back to those first years we had together. They where so much fun. Dalton was my little side kick. We had almost 3 years before Emery was born so we had lots of time just us. We did everything together. Dalton had some speech trouble so I was his voice. People would always ask me "what did he say". Mommy could always understand though. When I watch videos now of those days I can not understand a word he says. We took bike rides, swam, played games, did puzzles, colored. Dalton was the easiest toddler. He only threw one temper tantrum. We went to a store and I remember watching him as he looked at a child that was on the floor screaming. I could see the wheels turning in his head. Later that night at home, Dalton gave the fit a try. He ended up in trouble and decided it was just not worth it. I figured wow I got this parenting thing down. Well then came the 4 other kids who taught me that most toddlers try the fit thing more then once. They just didn't catch on to that as fast.

As a school age child, he loved to learn. I home schooled him  and had so much fun watching as he  learned. Reading was the love of his life. I couldn't keep enough books in the house. Junior high was spent in public schools, Dalton was an example and picked as the studio of character and featured on the radio. He was loved by all teachers.

 Dalton started High School and seemed overnight to be grown up. He joined cross country and seemed to become organized and dependent. He became more involved at church by choice not just by directed.

Now his high school days are almost over. I can't stand to think very  soon he will be moving on and out of our home. I still feel that he is my side kick. My go to guy. The one who is always there for me when I need a hand. The last year he has had to step up around here. I try to not put to much on him since his dad left, wanting him to still be the child here and not an adult. Some of this is unavoidable though. 

He has been accepted to college and is still figuring out his plans for after high school. He works at the local grocery store, helps at awanas, attends a weekly bible study, and is doing great in school. He is an example to his brothers how to handle himself. He is wise beyond his years. It was decided years ago that the boys would not be dating while young. My rule is not tell 18 but at 16 they can petition this if they want to. Meaning, if there is a girl, they can come discuss the situation with me. At that point it is still my decision but we can discuss it. Dalton has handled this so gracefully, at one point after some girl drama, admitted that I was right in making him wait, (yes I asked for that in writing). We made up a contract about dating years ago. I love the example he sets in this for his brothers. 

 Dalton goes all in when he gets into something. First it was barney, he had barney bedding, shirts, toys, fishing pole, lawn chair, sunglasses, books and more all barney. Then it was telletubbies, then onto blues clues, then to star wars and now of course superman. I think there was some extras in here but these are the biggies.

I  Love Dalton and am so very proud of this young man. I hope him and I always stay close, that he always talks to me and that he keeps his eyes on the Lord, I hope the things that he has seen in his home with his parents, will not be modeled in his household. I hope he realizes how wrong divorce is and picks a wife very carefully and for life. I hope he learns to forgive his dad. I hope he always knows how much he is loved. I hope the woman he marries realizes how great he is. I hope he gives me a granddaughter. I hope he finds joy in little things and knows how to be content. I hope he realizes the mistakes his parents made do not define him in anyway, that it is not his destiny to repeat our mistakes. 

 I hope he realizes in my eyes HE IS SUPERMAN!!!!!!

Still moving forward

Wow its been a long time. We are still here and moving a long strong. I have had some people ask me to please update my blog so here we go. The boys and I are doing great. Life is so busy, my days are filled with church, my school, homeschool, running kids to school, doing daycare, kids to soccer games, bible study, kids to band practices, and the usual homework, dinner, cleaning. I will admit the month of November had me exhausted. My calendar had appointments not only daily but multiple times a day. One week I think the most we where home was 2 hours other then at bed time. I really do not like to keep a full calendar like that. Thankfully the week of Thanksgiving gave me a break from school for the boys and I and gave me a time to refresh. December looks much better and so far is much more manageable. I am loving college. Right now my classes are all online only needing to go to SCC sometimes. I love the freedom this gives me of being able to do school when it works for us. I have two assignments left to finish this quarter and then I am done until January 8. Bronson is doing great with homeschool and I love having a side kick with me all day.

As 2013 gets close to ending, it has been an amazing year for us. I think one of my best yet. I think it has more to do with my attitude and changes in myself then anything. If you looked at it from the outside, we have a smaller house, less money, crazy business, and just well parenting 5 boys alone but there is calmness in our life now. Happy, peaceful, contentment, thankful, these are words I would now describe us. I think I had come to such a dark place with anger and bitterness, learning to appreciate little things really helped me come out of that. I have learned to let little things make me so happy such as the other day going and purchasing our first snow shovel. Such a small, dorky thing but it made me smile. I even enjoyed going out at 5:30 am to use it. The boys didn't find as much happiness in this as I did. go figure. Speaking of the boys, they are healing as well. Atley came home from school yesterday and said "I am so excited!" I asked him why and he said "I don't know"! I know just how he feels, we can look forward and be excited, for nothing, for everything, for life.  I know there will be hard times, we all still cry sometimes, I get overwhelmed sometimes, I still get angry about things sometimes but nothing like it used to be. I can honestly say we are right where God wants us. Again I keep being asked if I am ready to start dating again and the answer is NO WAY!!!! why mess with the happiness here now. The kids don't need that right now. I am loving making new friendship, growing as a person and allowing my kids to have me to themselves. I feel that it would be unhealthy to expose them to me dating and honestly I don't have time. Maybe someday but that's a big MAYBE. wow never thought I would be content alone. ok well there is the update hope to add more soon.

Boundaries

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about boundaries. About what they mean for myself, my kids, and what they should have meant in my marriage. Lets look fist at marriage. In our marriage, I wanted some boundary lines in place. I wanted my husband to put lines up when it came to customers and others. He refused. In a sense it felt like he was saying we where not important enough to protect. He did come to me later and say he realized that I wanted to protect my family not control him. I had told him before I was uncomfortable with his one on one "lunch/dinner meetings" with female clients.  I was uncomfortable with their late night calls and thought the constant texting was unprofessional. Mentioning that these bothered me would only cause strife and contention in our marriage. I began to let it go. Guess that was a mistake. As I think on marriage I believe both parties should set boundaries not necessarily on each other but for themselves. Boundaries to protect their marriage relationship and their family. To set this as an example for the children as well.
         Of course we parents set boundaries for our kids but as my boys get older I want to teach them to set and follow their own boundaries. I hope by allowing them to see this example set by myself will help them. My oldest child has boundaries set for dating. I do this to protect him. To protect his future wife and children. My younger children see how he is handling himself in this area and is a great example for the others to follow.
        For me, boundaries are more about protecting my kids. At this point they have a single mother and I take my role very seriously. My kids have been hurt enough. They still struggle with visitation with their dad, they struggle with anger and many other emotions. My choices at this point can not be about me. I can either help them through this or hinder their recovery even more. The "rules" I have set for myself include
I will not date until it is clear my boys are ready for it- we have talked about it, I told them I would definitely not date until my divorce was legally final. For my accountability to God and to the boys.  At this point the boys will say  Mom you can date but I know they are not in a good place for me to. I see other things they are exposed to right now and want to make sure to set a clear and clean example. At the point I began to date there will be many boundaries set to protect myself and my kids . For starters I will not expose them to different guys. I'm not sure how this will all play out. Maybe I should just stay single tell they all graduate and move out. Never thought I would be content to stay single but God is showing me its ok, for the well being of my kids, for growth in my relationship with God and my boys, for growth as a person, I can be single and content.
What boundaries to his need to include in your life?